Do you ever feel like God's personal ball of Silly Putty? I sure have the past few months. In every category of my life, I feel like God is stretching me beyond what is comfortable for me. Spiritually, physically, in my marriage, friendships, finances, mentally, emotionally, in my business, motherhood, literally EVERY area. I have heard myself during prayer saying, "God, if you pull any harder I will break, I will literally turn into a billion little (very messy) pieces of silly putty. Please God, stop pulling, I can't take any more, please let go, give me a break!!!"
Physically, obviously I am a blubbering 8 month pregnant lady, waddling around like I belong on a iceberg with my other penguin friends. Quite literally feeling STRETCHED! I am so so thankful for this pregnancy, and those of you who know me, know that I am more grateful than most, however I am done! Pregnancy is not what I would call, enjoyable, for me. I am exhausted, pretty much don't sleep at night, am very uncomfortable in more ways than one, my back is killing me the list could go on forever. However my strength comes from the Lord, and I know there is a day very soon, where I will be up holding my precious gift from God, and any mom knows that feeling makes it ALL worth it!
Spiritually, I am stretched to the max as well. In the past few months I stepped up my game spiritually. I am loving having some quiet time with God again, which got pushed to the bottom of my list for way too long. I love being in the presence of the Lord. My mission to become a better "Proverbs 31 wife" is off and running and could quite possibly be the hardest thing I have ever done. She leaves a lot for the average American woman to live up to! Another stretching activity for the Lord that I know he is loving watch unfold! With Jason's new job and therefore schedule it is harder for Jason to make it to church, and small group. A change we are just going to have to pray about and work through. Speaking of small group, we just started a new "velocity group" last week. That brings with it a new set of challenges spiritually which I am looking forward to. We have great people in our group, and I am looking forward to getting to know everyone. I have issues though with missing our old small group. What we were used to, what we were comfortable with. Another stretching area for the Lord in my life. The small group that Jason and I met in, was really an extension of family for us, we still keep in contact with most of them. I hope and pray that this new group will eventually reach the point of family. Until then I pray that God would create that kind of environment, soften everyone's hearts and challenge all of us to walk closer with him. In time I know all of this will sort itself out. Only in God's timing, not mine. :)
Motherhood - Pregnancy aside, motherhood has been super hard lately. It's just the stage of life we are in right now, but it has been STRETCHING to say the least. Jason has started a new job, which has left me alone some nights and some very long days when he needs to be sleeping upstairs and my job is to keep the downstairs as peaceful as possible, not easy. Part of my "Proverbs 31" mission included making meal time a priority. That has become increasingly difficult with Jason's new hours. Some nights it is mission accomplished, however there are nights where it's just Sutton and I, other nights where Jason doesn't get home until 8:30. (At that point I'm like "find something in the fridge, I am spent and going to bed !") I know, I said this "Proverbs 31" thing was a process, I am by no means good at it yet! :) We know this job change will be fruitful in the long run, but right now we are in the HARD stage!!!
Sutton is in this stage where he is into everything! I am not sure you understand, EVERYTHING!!!! If I am unloading the dishwasher, I have to do it lightening speed or there will be silverware in my couch cushions, and sippy cups in the toilet. Cooking dinner is like mission impossible. I have to give him something to "cook" in order for me to even defrost some chicken. Most of the time I just let him empty all the drawers and pick it all back up later. I am learning to pick my battles. The other night Jason sat down for dinner... on the potato masher. Woops, sorry honey, Sutton was "cooking!" :) The other day I looked up from cooking lunch and every single couch cushion was on the floor in a pile Sutton was jumping into. ... enough said. He will find ANYTHING to use a stool to climb on everything imaginable. He is a VERY busy boy!!! I am so grateful for these days and I know I will look back and laugh, but with baby on the way, many days I wonder how I will do it all? By the grace of God, right?
Lately I have felt like a ball of silly putty on the hamster wheel of life, WHAT A MESS!!! By the time my head hits the pillow at night, I feel like a million little stringy stretched out pieces of silly putty. I have nothing left. I rest in God's word.
Lamentations 3:23 "Great is his faithfulness, his mercies are new each morning"
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
By morning, each day without fail, the Lord puts me all back together. Ready for another day of stretching. :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year's Resolutions
New Years Resolutions always seem great at the time, thought provoking, encouraging and motivating. Well then the end of January early February hits and they have already faded, and shortly thereafter only a memory of a good idea. This year I really want to keep a few "resolutions" and make them stick with my family. I am going to document them here so that I can be held accountable. If I fall off course... HELP!!!! I think resolutions are a great idea. A great way to start fresh, and slowly change things about our lives. I also believe this will be a huge teaching moment when my boys get older. So here it goes. Some are just personal goals I have for myself, and others are for my entire family. There may be more than you expected, but for those of you that know me, you will understand them all.
1. Grow closer to God. Continually I strive for this, but this year we are digging in deep. I long for a more personal relationship with God, and what that can do for my family. This year I will make more time for reading the word, praying, and making decisions based on my faith in the lord and not on worldly beliefs.
2. More dinners around the table. I am embarrassed to admit that too many nights, we forgo the dinner table and eat on the couch. Having a little one makes things harder, but in some ways almost easier. I want Sutton to have that fond memory of family meals like I did as a child. Along with this comes... cooking more and eating out less. These things will all work together for the greater good!
3. Blog more!!! Simply put, blog more. I have always wanted this blog to be a place to keep family members up to date and to be able to chronicle our life for my kids. This is my memory keeper for my family and I need to be better about keeping it up to date.
4. Simplify, simplify, simplify. As some of you know I have been reading a lot about the Amish culture lately and it is intriguing!!! I am committed to adopting some of their principles into my home. Simplify, the home, budget, closets, and so on. SIMPLIFY!!!!
5. Run 365 miles in 365 days. This is my crazy goal, but still totally
attainable if I put my mind to it. I saw this on pinterest the other day and was hooked the second I saw it. (No that is not a typo, if you haven't heard of pinterest yet, you live in the dark ages!) I have always loved running but every time I get into a good routine, I get pregnant. :) When this baby is born, I will need some recovery time i know, but I think I can do this!!!!!!!
6. Continue going green. This is a carry-over goal from last year, but this year we're making it stick!!! Eat more real food, organic when possible. Use greener products around the home, continue to cloth diaper, re-purpose things around the home, and so on. This has been near and dear to my heart for some time now, again it's making it a priority.
Isn't this all about prioritizing really? I mean if I put these things first in my life it would really all fall into place. I am motivated right now to make 2012 about the above things, but I know my motivation will fade with a rowdy toddler and a baby on my hip, sleep deprived and cranky. I know it will happen, however if I always go back to number one on my list... the lord... all things are possible. Isn't it funny how in the midst of your sleep deprived coma, after you just tripped on a hotwheel car, the dishes are still in the sink from last night, one kid is sick and the other is jumping off the couch with a cape tied to his back, ...if you turn your focus to the lord, you count them all as blessings? May God bless you all in the coming year, I look forward to sharing ours with you!!!!
1. Grow closer to God. Continually I strive for this, but this year we are digging in deep. I long for a more personal relationship with God, and what that can do for my family. This year I will make more time for reading the word, praying, and making decisions based on my faith in the lord and not on worldly beliefs.
2. More dinners around the table. I am embarrassed to admit that too many nights, we forgo the dinner table and eat on the couch. Having a little one makes things harder, but in some ways almost easier. I want Sutton to have that fond memory of family meals like I did as a child. Along with this comes... cooking more and eating out less. These things will all work together for the greater good!
3. Blog more!!! Simply put, blog more. I have always wanted this blog to be a place to keep family members up to date and to be able to chronicle our life for my kids. This is my memory keeper for my family and I need to be better about keeping it up to date.
4. Simplify, simplify, simplify. As some of you know I have been reading a lot about the Amish culture lately and it is intriguing!!! I am committed to adopting some of their principles into my home. Simplify, the home, budget, closets, and so on. SIMPLIFY!!!!
5. Run 365 miles in 365 days. This is my crazy goal, but still totally
attainable if I put my mind to it. I saw this on pinterest the other day and was hooked the second I saw it. (No that is not a typo, if you haven't heard of pinterest yet, you live in the dark ages!) I have always loved running but every time I get into a good routine, I get pregnant. :) When this baby is born, I will need some recovery time i know, but I think I can do this!!!!!!!
6. Continue going green. This is a carry-over goal from last year, but this year we're making it stick!!! Eat more real food, organic when possible. Use greener products around the home, continue to cloth diaper, re-purpose things around the home, and so on. This has been near and dear to my heart for some time now, again it's making it a priority.
Isn't this all about prioritizing really? I mean if I put these things first in my life it would really all fall into place. I am motivated right now to make 2012 about the above things, but I know my motivation will fade with a rowdy toddler and a baby on my hip, sleep deprived and cranky. I know it will happen, however if I always go back to number one on my list... the lord... all things are possible. Isn't it funny how in the midst of your sleep deprived coma, after you just tripped on a hotwheel car, the dishes are still in the sink from last night, one kid is sick and the other is jumping off the couch with a cape tied to his back, ...if you turn your focus to the lord, you count them all as blessings? May God bless you all in the coming year, I look forward to sharing ours with you!!!!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Michelle Duggar's Miscarriage
Michelle Duggar lost her baby today. She was in her second trimester and found out at a routine check up. As most of you know I am an AVID Duggar fan, and my heart is saddened tonight to hear of this news. It stirs up so many past emotions for me.
Both of my miscarriages were very different but tonight I am sending many happy thoughts up to my beautiful angel babies. Man, I can't wait to meet them. My first miscarriage was completely unexpected, I had no idea until I started cramping and eventually contracting, and lost that baby naturally, which I will be honest was awful.
My second miscarriage we knew things did not look good from the beginning based on my "numbers." That situation was also awful as I endured two weeks of not knowing whether my baby was going to make it or not. Unfortunately there had been no growth for those two weeks, and no heartbeat at my 8 week ultrasound. That time around I elected to have a d&c as I could not endure another natural "passing." For those that have experienced this, you know what I mean. That day at the hospital ranks up there with the second worst day of my life, and thinking back, it wasn't any easier than going the natural route. I am so blessed with our first born, and thank God for him every day. I am now expecting our 2nd and things are going very well.
I am so thankful tonight, for all four of my babies. Two of which I am blessed with the great anticipation of meeting some day, and two of which God has entrusted me to raise. Feeling many emotions tonight, blessed, saddened, angry, mournful, eager, blessed. Incredibly blessed.
Both of my miscarriages were very different but tonight I am sending many happy thoughts up to my beautiful angel babies. Man, I can't wait to meet them. My first miscarriage was completely unexpected, I had no idea until I started cramping and eventually contracting, and lost that baby naturally, which I will be honest was awful.
My second miscarriage we knew things did not look good from the beginning based on my "numbers." That situation was also awful as I endured two weeks of not knowing whether my baby was going to make it or not. Unfortunately there had been no growth for those two weeks, and no heartbeat at my 8 week ultrasound. That time around I elected to have a d&c as I could not endure another natural "passing." For those that have experienced this, you know what I mean. That day at the hospital ranks up there with the second worst day of my life, and thinking back, it wasn't any easier than going the natural route. I am so blessed with our first born, and thank God for him every day. I am now expecting our 2nd and things are going very well.
I am so thankful tonight, for all four of my babies. Two of which I am blessed with the great anticipation of meeting some day, and two of which God has entrusted me to raise. Feeling many emotions tonight, blessed, saddened, angry, mournful, eager, blessed. Incredibly blessed.
We've Reached The 3rd Trimester!!
Oh, the wonderful 3rd Trimester. Don't you love how when you get to this point in pregnancy people often say, "Oh you're almost done!" Somehow they feel that is supposed to be encouraging. While I appreciate people's positivity, the 3rd trimester is so uncomfortable! For me I go straight from the toilet bowl days of the 1st trimester to the uncomfortable, can't sleep days of the 3rd. There is no "honeymoon" stage of pregnancy for me. While I toss and turn all night long, it gives me plenty of time to be up at night, thanking my God for getting me this far.
There were days in the beginning of this pregnancy when I wondered if I would make it to 6 weeks, then I got excited about reaching the 10 week mark. The first three months drag by for me and even then I'm not breathing easy. With 2 miscarriages in my past, pregnancy is such a miracle to me. I start relaxing and becoming excited around 16 -18 weeks. This time around we were able to find out the gender at 16 weeks and seeing our little boy on that screen made me jump for joy, and breathe a sigh of relief. Praise God for technology!
So it's been a long road, but the time truly has seemed to fly. When you have a little one constantly at your feet, dumping out drawers, and getting into the unimaginable, you don't have as much time to think about how long the pregnancy is taking!! Sutton keeps me more than busy, but that has been a good thing this time around as I feel like I have blinked and miraculously I'm 28 weeks pregnant. It's true what they say about the 2nd pregnancy going much faster, and I'm sure subsequent pregnancies as well.
I am so thankful to be at this point. The painful kicks, and sleepless nights are so worth it when I sit and dream of meeting my beautiful baby boy. This is a time of great anticipation for me. I revel in the miracle of conception, pregnancy and birth. Our God is quite incredible. The bible says "God is good." Is that sufficient? It seems almost demeaning. We serve an incredible God, and I feel so lucky to be carrying one of his children. So for the next couple of months I will try to soak up the joys (although there are few for me) of pregnancy and continue to be thankful for this life inside of me. 80 days and counting :)
There were days in the beginning of this pregnancy when I wondered if I would make it to 6 weeks, then I got excited about reaching the 10 week mark. The first three months drag by for me and even then I'm not breathing easy. With 2 miscarriages in my past, pregnancy is such a miracle to me. I start relaxing and becoming excited around 16 -18 weeks. This time around we were able to find out the gender at 16 weeks and seeing our little boy on that screen made me jump for joy, and breathe a sigh of relief. Praise God for technology!
So it's been a long road, but the time truly has seemed to fly. When you have a little one constantly at your feet, dumping out drawers, and getting into the unimaginable, you don't have as much time to think about how long the pregnancy is taking!! Sutton keeps me more than busy, but that has been a good thing this time around as I feel like I have blinked and miraculously I'm 28 weeks pregnant. It's true what they say about the 2nd pregnancy going much faster, and I'm sure subsequent pregnancies as well.
I am so thankful to be at this point. The painful kicks, and sleepless nights are so worth it when I sit and dream of meeting my beautiful baby boy. This is a time of great anticipation for me. I revel in the miracle of conception, pregnancy and birth. Our God is quite incredible. The bible says "God is good." Is that sufficient? It seems almost demeaning. We serve an incredible God, and I feel so lucky to be carrying one of his children. So for the next couple of months I will try to soak up the joys (although there are few for me) of pregnancy and continue to be thankful for this life inside of me. 80 days and counting :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
We are Blessed Again!!
Sorry for the late update, we wanted to be sure the news was shared with family and friends first. So now that the cat is out of the bag... We are pregnant with #2!!! We found out at the end of June right before Sutton's birthday. Elated, overjoyed, and thrilled beyond belief!!!! I am currently 17 weeks along. The crazy thing about the cycle that we got pregnant on, (June cycle) was the cycle we "tried" the least on :) What did we do differently during the June cycle? We prayed harder than I think we have ever prayed for anything. It is truly miraculous thinking about it. This little baby is truly our God given gift, our answered prayer!
After we found out we were expecting and made it through the scary stage, we found out about this place where we live called Stork Vision. At Stork Vision you can find out at 16 weeks the gender.So we booked our appointment!!! My mom went to the appointment with us, so she could be part of the experience and to help with Sutton. The enviornment was awesome, very welcoming and plenty of room for Sutton to play. We scheduled our appointment for first thing in the morning, because I couldn't have waited any longer! :) I don't think the sonographer had her little probe on my belly for 60 seconds, before I said "It's another boy!" I could see a little a something, and I WAS RIGHT!!! Sutton is going to have a little brother!!!
We are so thrilled!! It will make things easy because we will have a little less to buy. However the boys (HA, I love saying that) will be born in opposite seasons so A LITTLE shopping will have to be done!!! :)
So now we anticipate the arrival of our little angel. All the preparations can begin, which makes this mama fish very happy! We will probably start working on his room some time next month, because you all know I am itching to get in there and get organized!!!
After we found out we were expecting and made it through the scary stage, we found out about this place where we live called Stork Vision. At Stork Vision you can find out at 16 weeks the gender.So we booked our appointment!!! My mom went to the appointment with us, so she could be part of the experience and to help with Sutton. The enviornment was awesome, very welcoming and plenty of room for Sutton to play. We scheduled our appointment for first thing in the morning, because I couldn't have waited any longer! :) I don't think the sonographer had her little probe on my belly for 60 seconds, before I said "It's another boy!" I could see a little a something, and I WAS RIGHT!!! Sutton is going to have a little brother!!!
We are so thrilled!! It will make things easy because we will have a little less to buy. However the boys (HA, I love saying that) will be born in opposite seasons so A LITTLE shopping will have to be done!!! :)
So now we anticipate the arrival of our little angel. All the preparations can begin, which makes this mama fish very happy! We will probably start working on his room some time next month, because you all know I am itching to get in there and get organized!!!
Monday, July 4, 2011
72 and 200
Stay tuned to the blog, in the coming weeks to find out the secret meaning to these very special numbers! 72 and 200 aren't they beautiful!?!?!?!
Fluff Mail!!!!!
So I have to share my excitement about all the fluff mail I received this weekend!! First of all a local cloth diaper store in our town, got a shipment of Blueberry diapers in last week, so I was dying to get there and get my hands on one!! I went on Saturday to get ONE BLUEBERRY DIAPER.....THAT"S IT!!!! Of course you know what happened from here... But wait, it's actually not that bad. I found out that they also carried Tots Bots Diapers which I had also wanted to try. I was so excited, I had no idea they sold these!!! So I left with 1 giraffe print Blueberry, and 1 red tots bots. I was SUPER thrilled!
When I got home, I pulled in my driveway and noticed a beautiful white USPS box on my front porch! :) Like a child on Christmas, I ran to the porch and practically ripped the box open. This was the box from my Kelly's Closet order. Normally if you spend a certain amount they will send you 1 free diaper of their choice. So that was the deal I ordered and the suspense of what my "free diaper" would be was killing me!! In that beautiful white box was my order of 2 Happy Heiny's and 1 Kissaluvs, and there was my gorgeous free diaper... A BUM GENIUS!!!! Go figure, 1 of my top 3 favorite diapers!!! I was ecstatic!!
What a "fluffy" weekend!! Aaaaahhhh, I'm thrilled. Now comes the joyous task of prepping them all, but it actuallly doesn't bother me at all. After all the prepping and after Sutton can try them out a few times I will post some review videos!!!
When I got home, I pulled in my driveway and noticed a beautiful white USPS box on my front porch! :) Like a child on Christmas, I ran to the porch and practically ripped the box open. This was the box from my Kelly's Closet order. Normally if you spend a certain amount they will send you 1 free diaper of their choice. So that was the deal I ordered and the suspense of what my "free diaper" would be was killing me!! In that beautiful white box was my order of 2 Happy Heiny's and 1 Kissaluvs, and there was my gorgeous free diaper... A BUM GENIUS!!!! Go figure, 1 of my top 3 favorite diapers!!! I was ecstatic!!
What a "fluffy" weekend!! Aaaaahhhh, I'm thrilled. Now comes the joyous task of prepping them all, but it actuallly doesn't bother me at all. After all the prepping and after Sutton can try them out a few times I will post some review videos!!!
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