Michelle Duggar lost her baby today. She was in her second trimester and found out at a routine check up. As most of you know I am an AVID Duggar fan, and my heart is saddened tonight to hear of this news. It stirs up so many past emotions for me.
Both of my miscarriages were very different but tonight I am sending many happy thoughts up to my beautiful angel babies. Man, I can't wait to meet them. My first miscarriage was completely unexpected, I had no idea until I started cramping and eventually contracting, and lost that baby naturally, which I will be honest was awful.
My second miscarriage we knew things did not look good from the beginning based on my "numbers." That situation was also awful as I endured two weeks of not knowing whether my baby was going to make it or not. Unfortunately there had been no growth for those two weeks, and no heartbeat at my 8 week ultrasound. That time around I elected to have a d&c as I could not endure another natural "passing." For those that have experienced this, you know what I mean. That day at the hospital ranks up there with the second worst day of my life, and thinking back, it wasn't any easier than going the natural route. I am so blessed with our first born, and thank God for him every day. I am now expecting our 2nd and things are going very well.
I am so thankful tonight, for all four of my babies. Two of which I am blessed with the great anticipation of meeting some day, and two of which God has entrusted me to raise. Feeling many emotions tonight, blessed, saddened, angry, mournful, eager, blessed. Incredibly blessed.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
We've Reached The 3rd Trimester!!
Oh, the wonderful 3rd Trimester. Don't you love how when you get to this point in pregnancy people often say, "Oh you're almost done!" Somehow they feel that is supposed to be encouraging. While I appreciate people's positivity, the 3rd trimester is so uncomfortable! For me I go straight from the toilet bowl days of the 1st trimester to the uncomfortable, can't sleep days of the 3rd. There is no "honeymoon" stage of pregnancy for me. While I toss and turn all night long, it gives me plenty of time to be up at night, thanking my God for getting me this far.
There were days in the beginning of this pregnancy when I wondered if I would make it to 6 weeks, then I got excited about reaching the 10 week mark. The first three months drag by for me and even then I'm not breathing easy. With 2 miscarriages in my past, pregnancy is such a miracle to me. I start relaxing and becoming excited around 16 -18 weeks. This time around we were able to find out the gender at 16 weeks and seeing our little boy on that screen made me jump for joy, and breathe a sigh of relief. Praise God for technology!
So it's been a long road, but the time truly has seemed to fly. When you have a little one constantly at your feet, dumping out drawers, and getting into the unimaginable, you don't have as much time to think about how long the pregnancy is taking!! Sutton keeps me more than busy, but that has been a good thing this time around as I feel like I have blinked and miraculously I'm 28 weeks pregnant. It's true what they say about the 2nd pregnancy going much faster, and I'm sure subsequent pregnancies as well.
I am so thankful to be at this point. The painful kicks, and sleepless nights are so worth it when I sit and dream of meeting my beautiful baby boy. This is a time of great anticipation for me. I revel in the miracle of conception, pregnancy and birth. Our God is quite incredible. The bible says "God is good." Is that sufficient? It seems almost demeaning. We serve an incredible God, and I feel so lucky to be carrying one of his children. So for the next couple of months I will try to soak up the joys (although there are few for me) of pregnancy and continue to be thankful for this life inside of me. 80 days and counting :)
There were days in the beginning of this pregnancy when I wondered if I would make it to 6 weeks, then I got excited about reaching the 10 week mark. The first three months drag by for me and even then I'm not breathing easy. With 2 miscarriages in my past, pregnancy is such a miracle to me. I start relaxing and becoming excited around 16 -18 weeks. This time around we were able to find out the gender at 16 weeks and seeing our little boy on that screen made me jump for joy, and breathe a sigh of relief. Praise God for technology!
So it's been a long road, but the time truly has seemed to fly. When you have a little one constantly at your feet, dumping out drawers, and getting into the unimaginable, you don't have as much time to think about how long the pregnancy is taking!! Sutton keeps me more than busy, but that has been a good thing this time around as I feel like I have blinked and miraculously I'm 28 weeks pregnant. It's true what they say about the 2nd pregnancy going much faster, and I'm sure subsequent pregnancies as well.
I am so thankful to be at this point. The painful kicks, and sleepless nights are so worth it when I sit and dream of meeting my beautiful baby boy. This is a time of great anticipation for me. I revel in the miracle of conception, pregnancy and birth. Our God is quite incredible. The bible says "God is good." Is that sufficient? It seems almost demeaning. We serve an incredible God, and I feel so lucky to be carrying one of his children. So for the next couple of months I will try to soak up the joys (although there are few for me) of pregnancy and continue to be thankful for this life inside of me. 80 days and counting :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
We are Blessed Again!!
Sorry for the late update, we wanted to be sure the news was shared with family and friends first. So now that the cat is out of the bag... We are pregnant with #2!!! We found out at the end of June right before Sutton's birthday. Elated, overjoyed, and thrilled beyond belief!!!! I am currently 17 weeks along. The crazy thing about the cycle that we got pregnant on, (June cycle) was the cycle we "tried" the least on :) What did we do differently during the June cycle? We prayed harder than I think we have ever prayed for anything. It is truly miraculous thinking about it. This little baby is truly our God given gift, our answered prayer!
After we found out we were expecting and made it through the scary stage, we found out about this place where we live called Stork Vision. At Stork Vision you can find out at 16 weeks the gender.So we booked our appointment!!! My mom went to the appointment with us, so she could be part of the experience and to help with Sutton. The enviornment was awesome, very welcoming and plenty of room for Sutton to play. We scheduled our appointment for first thing in the morning, because I couldn't have waited any longer! :) I don't think the sonographer had her little probe on my belly for 60 seconds, before I said "It's another boy!" I could see a little a something, and I WAS RIGHT!!! Sutton is going to have a little brother!!!
We are so thrilled!! It will make things easy because we will have a little less to buy. However the boys (HA, I love saying that) will be born in opposite seasons so A LITTLE shopping will have to be done!!! :)
So now we anticipate the arrival of our little angel. All the preparations can begin, which makes this mama fish very happy! We will probably start working on his room some time next month, because you all know I am itching to get in there and get organized!!!
After we found out we were expecting and made it through the scary stage, we found out about this place where we live called Stork Vision. At Stork Vision you can find out at 16 weeks the gender.So we booked our appointment!!! My mom went to the appointment with us, so she could be part of the experience and to help with Sutton. The enviornment was awesome, very welcoming and plenty of room for Sutton to play. We scheduled our appointment for first thing in the morning, because I couldn't have waited any longer! :) I don't think the sonographer had her little probe on my belly for 60 seconds, before I said "It's another boy!" I could see a little a something, and I WAS RIGHT!!! Sutton is going to have a little brother!!!
We are so thrilled!! It will make things easy because we will have a little less to buy. However the boys (HA, I love saying that) will be born in opposite seasons so A LITTLE shopping will have to be done!!! :)
So now we anticipate the arrival of our little angel. All the preparations can begin, which makes this mama fish very happy! We will probably start working on his room some time next month, because you all know I am itching to get in there and get organized!!!
Monday, July 4, 2011
72 and 200
Stay tuned to the blog, in the coming weeks to find out the secret meaning to these very special numbers! 72 and 200 aren't they beautiful!?!?!?!
Fluff Mail!!!!!
So I have to share my excitement about all the fluff mail I received this weekend!! First of all a local cloth diaper store in our town, got a shipment of Blueberry diapers in last week, so I was dying to get there and get my hands on one!! I went on Saturday to get ONE BLUEBERRY DIAPER.....THAT"S IT!!!! Of course you know what happened from here... But wait, it's actually not that bad. I found out that they also carried Tots Bots Diapers which I had also wanted to try. I was so excited, I had no idea they sold these!!! So I left with 1 giraffe print Blueberry, and 1 red tots bots. I was SUPER thrilled!
When I got home, I pulled in my driveway and noticed a beautiful white USPS box on my front porch! :) Like a child on Christmas, I ran to the porch and practically ripped the box open. This was the box from my Kelly's Closet order. Normally if you spend a certain amount they will send you 1 free diaper of their choice. So that was the deal I ordered and the suspense of what my "free diaper" would be was killing me!! In that beautiful white box was my order of 2 Happy Heiny's and 1 Kissaluvs, and there was my gorgeous free diaper... A BUM GENIUS!!!! Go figure, 1 of my top 3 favorite diapers!!! I was ecstatic!!
What a "fluffy" weekend!! Aaaaahhhh, I'm thrilled. Now comes the joyous task of prepping them all, but it actuallly doesn't bother me at all. After all the prepping and after Sutton can try them out a few times I will post some review videos!!!
When I got home, I pulled in my driveway and noticed a beautiful white USPS box on my front porch! :) Like a child on Christmas, I ran to the porch and practically ripped the box open. This was the box from my Kelly's Closet order. Normally if you spend a certain amount they will send you 1 free diaper of their choice. So that was the deal I ordered and the suspense of what my "free diaper" would be was killing me!! In that beautiful white box was my order of 2 Happy Heiny's and 1 Kissaluvs, and there was my gorgeous free diaper... A BUM GENIUS!!!! Go figure, 1 of my top 3 favorite diapers!!! I was ecstatic!!
What a "fluffy" weekend!! Aaaaahhhh, I'm thrilled. Now comes the joyous task of prepping them all, but it actuallly doesn't bother me at all. After all the prepping and after Sutton can try them out a few times I will post some review videos!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Obsession With Cloth Diapers
Even before we got pregnant for the first time, J and I always knew we wanted to cloth diaper our kiddos. The main reason being that we did not want all the harmful chemicals on our baby's toosh. Have you ever looked at all the chemicals that are in disposable diapers!?!?! Type it in your search engine and just see what comes up. It will shock you. The second reason is that we didn't want to be even partly responsible for all the landfill masses of disposable diapers.
The third reason, was cost!!!! I remember being pregnant with Sutton and going shopping with a friend who had 2 children in diapers. She bought this GIANT box of diapers for almost $60.00, and she told me that would last about 2-3 weeks. I was floored!!!! Of course her children were in different sizes so that box was only for 1 of her children. I thought to myself, even if J and I didn't want to do cloth, we would have to, because there is no way we could afford to buy diapers. NO WAY!!!
Through Sutton's first year of life I have learned landfill size amounts of information on cloth diapers. Who knew this was like it's own science.? Throughout this blog I will be doing some videos on cloth diapers. Lots of reviews, how to wash, walk you through my stash. I hope to provide some great content and advice that I wish I would have had along the way. I am waiting on some "fluff mail" right now, so I must go make sure the UPS man hasn't passed me up!!! Happy Diapering!!!
The third reason, was cost!!!! I remember being pregnant with Sutton and going shopping with a friend who had 2 children in diapers. She bought this GIANT box of diapers for almost $60.00, and she told me that would last about 2-3 weeks. I was floored!!!! Of course her children were in different sizes so that box was only for 1 of her children. I thought to myself, even if J and I didn't want to do cloth, we would have to, because there is no way we could afford to buy diapers. NO WAY!!!
Through Sutton's first year of life I have learned landfill size amounts of information on cloth diapers. Who knew this was like it's own science.? Throughout this blog I will be doing some videos on cloth diapers. Lots of reviews, how to wash, walk you through my stash. I hope to provide some great content and advice that I wish I would have had along the way. I am waiting on some "fluff mail" right now, so I must go make sure the UPS man hasn't passed me up!!! Happy Diapering!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Emotions
There are so many emotions that I have gone through the past two years it's overwhelming. Obviously J and I have experienced a great deal of sadness, excitement, dissapointment, anger and discouragement. It is quite the rollar coaster ride I am sure any woman TTC can relate to that. Any emotion in the book, I am sure that I have experienced it at some point in time, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Sometimes I wonder if our struggles to get pregnant are a punishment for something in my past. Is God trying to teach me a lesson? He is constantly teaching me patience and this I am always well aware of! Am I not equipped to be a mother? Does God have something else in mind for my life, separate from what I envision? Do we struggle so that some day we can share our testimony and encourage other couples who are struggling? I am always full of questions, most of the time the main question is just why me? The bible says "Go forth and multiply" so why is that so hard for some people to accomplish?
This blog will allow me an outlet to express all of the emotion that I deal with on a daily basis. I hope to help others in knowing what they are feeling is normal and rational. To anyone who reads this who is going through the same things as J and I are, please seek comfort in the fact that so many women, including myself can relate. I hope in sharing my emotional journey on this blog it will be a blessing to any strangers who come across it.
Sometimes I wonder if our struggles to get pregnant are a punishment for something in my past. Is God trying to teach me a lesson? He is constantly teaching me patience and this I am always well aware of! Am I not equipped to be a mother? Does God have something else in mind for my life, separate from what I envision? Do we struggle so that some day we can share our testimony and encourage other couples who are struggling? I am always full of questions, most of the time the main question is just why me? The bible says "Go forth and multiply" so why is that so hard for some people to accomplish?
This blog will allow me an outlet to express all of the emotion that I deal with on a daily basis. I hope to help others in knowing what they are feeling is normal and rational. To anyone who reads this who is going through the same things as J and I are, please seek comfort in the fact that so many women, including myself can relate. I hope in sharing my emotional journey on this blog it will be a blessing to any strangers who come across it.
TTC # 2 Update
J got some test results back from the Dr. and it's good news! His testosterone levels ARE in the "normal" range. He will also be seeing a urologist on the 14th as well to make sure everything is okay on his side. We have come across an OBGYN who has unexpectedly become very helpful already.
When we lost our 2nd angel baby in February, we ended up havin a D & C to remove the pregnancy. I chose to go that route as I just could not bear to go through that whole thing again naturally. The OBGYN that was on call the day I needed surgery was just assigned to me, I really had no choice as to who it was. At that point in time, the OB was the least of my worries. At first I was not super fond of her, her bedside manner was a litlle cooler than I was used to seeing a midwife. I was obviously not in the best state emotionally or mentally, so I could have had a bad perception of her. To make a long story short, I called my midwife regarding a question I had, and she refferred my question onto an OB who would be more knowledgeable about the topic. The OB called me back with an answer and plan of action. She happened to be the same OB who performed my D & C. :) What a small world. On the phone she was extremely helpful, knowledgeable and comforting. She actually used the words "I really want to help you guys!" Needless to say we are meeting her in June to discuss a plan of action.
We are in the VERY beginning stages of seeking fertility help and already it is crazy how many Dr.s (and co-pays) are involved. So far we have seen a Family Physcian, a Urologist, my Midwife, Dr. B, the OBGYN, and a fertility specialist. It will all be worth it I know. June should be a very telling month, hopefully we get some answers and some long awaited hope :)
When we lost our 2nd angel baby in February, we ended up havin a D & C to remove the pregnancy. I chose to go that route as I just could not bear to go through that whole thing again naturally. The OBGYN that was on call the day I needed surgery was just assigned to me, I really had no choice as to who it was. At that point in time, the OB was the least of my worries. At first I was not super fond of her, her bedside manner was a litlle cooler than I was used to seeing a midwife. I was obviously not in the best state emotionally or mentally, so I could have had a bad perception of her. To make a long story short, I called my midwife regarding a question I had, and she refferred my question onto an OB who would be more knowledgeable about the topic. The OB called me back with an answer and plan of action. She happened to be the same OB who performed my D & C. :) What a small world. On the phone she was extremely helpful, knowledgeable and comforting. She actually used the words "I really want to help you guys!" Needless to say we are meeting her in June to discuss a plan of action.
We are in the VERY beginning stages of seeking fertility help and already it is crazy how many Dr.s (and co-pays) are involved. So far we have seen a Family Physcian, a Urologist, my Midwife, Dr. B, the OBGYN, and a fertility specialist. It will all be worth it I know. June should be a very telling month, hopefully we get some answers and some long awaited hope :)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
TTC # 2
So our journey to conceive our 2nd child is well under way and we thought that we would get everyone up to date. I will do my best not to use too much TTC jargon. TTC= Trying to conceive. It is a hard habit to break, but I will do my best!
After a devastating miscarriage in February of this year, we kicked our journey to try and conceive # 2 into high gear. After trying on our own for about 4 months we spoke to my OBGYN and a trusted friend and Dr. He said that as far as fertility goes it is cheaper to start the process with the male. So we didn't waste any time, the next day J went in for his first blood draw (of many I assume) and this week he scheduled his Sperm Analysis for June 14th. Upon direction of our OBGYN we will meet with her ASAP after the sperm analysis results come back. So we go from there I guess. We are taking it one prayer and day at a time. At this point we are hopeful, optimistic, scared, nervous and curious.
After a devastating miscarriage in February of this year, we kicked our journey to try and conceive # 2 into high gear. After trying on our own for about 4 months we spoke to my OBGYN and a trusted friend and Dr. He said that as far as fertility goes it is cheaper to start the process with the male. So we didn't waste any time, the next day J went in for his first blood draw (of many I assume) and this week he scheduled his Sperm Analysis for June 14th. Upon direction of our OBGYN we will meet with her ASAP after the sperm analysis results come back. So we go from there I guess. We are taking it one prayer and day at a time. At this point we are hopeful, optimistic, scared, nervous and curious.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Blessings From The Pond
The purpose of this blog will be to share the story of our family. We want to document and archive these things for our family. We will share our battle with fertility and miscarriage. Our walk to a closer relationship with the lord. My journey to living a cleaner, greener life. My coupon addiction, and bargaing shopping. The happenings of our home and family and most importantly, God's greatest gift to us, our 8 month old little man Sutton. Overall we want to keep track of all the blessings God has given us, even when some of them are blessings in disguise. Some posts might be serious, others lighthearted and funny, but we are excited to share our journey with you.
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